Coping With Life's Changes

[Crabbergirl]

Hi all,

Janet,
Tim was awarded permanent disability last month! That was such a blessing. It has allowd me to be able to spend more time taking care of him.He won't leave home without one of us being with him. Some days are good and some days are really bad. As far as what is actually happening they still don't know. Did an MRI and they found an enlarged artery but they don't think it is aneurysm or potetnial aneurysm.( giving thanks) And yes, dental , oh my my daughter just had very expensive etensive work done, my DIL just had 3 wisdom teeth pulled, I am driving my son tomorrow to have his pulled and Tim went to the dentist yesterday for a bad tooth. Keeping my fingers crossed it is not catching. I don't want to go!!!!

And yes, as Ron says , Change happens in the blink of an eye!
I have a bridge picked out for us a little bit further south so I don't have to worry about the cold

 

[Crabbergirl]

Ron
Finding the right meds is such a task of time and trials. We just had Tim's blood work done to see where he is at on meds. I think they still need to get the right combo. Here's praying you get the right stuff

 

[Jules]

My step mother has challenges too with the doctor situation....and it is no different down here on this coast. I know people who are traveling over 100 km to their family doctor!! We've come a long way from house calls to traveling these distances to doctor's offices. I;ll have to do some reading back Crabber to catch up with your situation. And Ron....take it easy on the old body.

 

[smiley_face2]

Hi all,

Janet,
Tim was awarded permanent disability last month! That was such a blessing. It has allowd me to be able to spend more time taking care of him.He won't leave home without one of us being with him. Some days are good and some days are really bad. As far as what is actually happening they still don't know. Did an MRI and they found an enlarged artery but they don't think it is aneurysm or potetnial aneurysm.( giving thanks) And yes, dental , oh my my daughter just had very expensive etensive work done, my DIL just had 3 wisdom teeth pulled, I am driving my son tomorrow to have his pulled and Tim went to the dentist yesterday for a bad tooth. Keeping my fingers crossed it is not catching. I don't want to go!!!!

And yes, as Ron says , Change happens in the blink of an eye!
I have a bridge picked out for us a little bit further south so I don't have to worry about the cold

Wow that sounds so much like my hubby they do know what is wrong, it's just a matter of him learning how to live with it. And boy do I know about bad days..... He actually wanted to try and help with the roof repair!! His brother took him out in the boat fishing one day, he was born and raised on the water! was running a boat when he was a wee kid! He fell overboard!! quite a shock for both of them. No way I'm letting him get up on the roof. I sure hope whatever is wrong with your hubby, it is not life threatening! oh and best of luck at the dentist!!!

 

[Crabbergirl]

Thanks Janet.
You are right, our guys do sound alike. I feel like I have to watch him all the time. I am so glad I am able to stay home with him now. The worst part about all this is he thinks he can still do all the stuff he has always done. Tim also wants to "help" with things going on. someone asked him to build them a house a couple weeks ago and I had to step in and say he couldn't do it. He was actually going to do it. I had to remind him he can't remember what he did 5 minutes ago there was no way he could take on a job. The mind wants to but it can't

 

[RonsGarden]

Thanks guys for reminding me that I can't do things like I used to!
The mind is willing but the body just wont cooperate.
I have to rethink how I'll accomplish what I need to do to make it easier and not as taxing....with lots of breaks! I need to do it in stages and not push myself to get it done too quickly!
I used to be able to cut the lawns in 4 hours.....now it takes three days!

 

[Randy]

While we were in California, my sister-in-law asked about a problem solution for her rabbits. I thought it through and it was pretty simple. It took two days to get it done though. I told her that if she gave me 8 hours to do a 3-hour task, it would take me 8 hours to do it. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but she had a pair of rabbit hutches that she keeps eight rabbits in. They are two-story hutches. She wanted the rabbits to be able to have access in and out of their own spaces at will. With my brother-in-law's help, we built two sets of stairs that were easily moved as we put wheels on one end. The rabbits had the stairs all figured out by the next day.

 

[Crabbergirl]

Ron
Those of us who have always worked and worked hard, have the worst time adjusting to our "new" limitations. It took me a while but I finally look at a job or task and think , "now if I do this, A. can I finish it, B. How am I going to feel when it's done . and C. Who can I get to help or do this for me. If I use that formula on each major task I think I can preserve myself. Poor tim hasn't gotten there yet.

Randy
The key word is "help". I think it's great to be able to continue to do things and not deny yourself the pleasure of satisfaction in a job well done. We just have to know our limits. I tend to expect to finish a job in the "old time" not the "new time" it actually takes me to do things. LOL!

 

[RonsGarden]

Nancie
That's about right!
Plan it it out, break it down into smaller components, then do one at a time, and take frequent breaks.
Any project does't have to be completed in one day......have to remind myself to stop when it starts to become too much.....there's always tomorrow!

 

[Randy]

I still have trouble thinking ahead until I am engaged. But most the time I can just plug along and work as long as I can and then put the tools away until tomorrow.

 

[smiley_face2]

Ron
Those of us who have always worked and worked hard, have the worst time adjusting to our "new" limitations. It took me a while but I finally look at a job or task and think , "now if I do this, A. can I finish it, B. How am I going to feel when it's done . and C. Who can I get to help or do this for me. If I use that formula on each major task I think I can preserve myself. Poor tim hasn't gotten there yet.

Randy
The key word is "help". I think it's great to be able to continue to do things and not deny yourself the pleasure of satisfaction in a job well done. We just have to know our limits. I tend to expect to finish a job in the "old time" not the "new time" it actually takes me to do things. LOL!

That's my hubby too Crabber, he worked so hard for 35 years, 12 hour days the norm, so many weeks away from home, so many injuries and coping with other men dying at work. He has always been completely self sufficient and done everything himself, so this thing with getting our roof done by someone else is just killing him!

 

[RonsGarden]

I have no problem getting someone else to do the hard things that are just to taxing for me to do! Reshingling the roof is definitely one of them!
I pick away at other things like digging over a new garden....
Had to give up on rushing to get things done!

 

[Crabbergirl]

Janet
The new norm is sometimes very hard to get use to. I find that distracting Tim with "play", i.e. fishing or shopping gets his mind off not actually doing the work. I try to involve him in something task oriented , almost like you would do when you are redirecting a child's bad behavior. If the mind is occupied it is less likely to attack them. LOL! But sometimes he will sit and watch the guys working for us and he will say something like " You know I use to do all that, I can do that" and my response will be "I know, but look now you don't have to do that. You can pay someone else to do it and just supervise" I think he likes it when I say it that way.

Ron
Yes I agree, i don't mind not doing somethings either. Like digging that banana tree, I was totally happy to not do it and let Lysle do it for me. But I still like very much to work. As you said , you just have to pace yourself and not try to do it all in one day. We have plenty of time as retired people

 

[Crabbergirl]

I still have trouble thinking ahead until I am engaged. But most the time I can just plug along and work as long as I can and then put the tools away until tomorrow.

I always say I'll put the tools aways tomorrow and then I forget. LOL But if I haven't finished the task, I can find the tools. If I put them away I spend 30 minutes looking for them because I thought I left them with the unfinished task..

 

[RonsGarden]

I always put the tools away since I may not be able to get back at it the next day!
I place all the tools in one spot so I can find them all again!

 

[lynpenny]

I am forever leaving tools out and then not finding them when I need them again but I have a idea where I left them but when hubby borrows them I can not find them because he puts them in with his tools and I never see them again.

 

[Randy]

That's one way to acquire new tools. LOL We experience the same thing in our house except that I am the tool provider and when I provide a tool, if I don't make sure it returns, it does wind up in a toolbox unknown to me. I can ask about tools that have not been returned to where they belong and no one has any idea what happened to them. But I run across them on occasion after I have asked and no one knew a thing.

 

[smiley_face2]

Another family dinner without our son. (thanksgiving in Canada) That is when it is the hardest, when we are all together without him. he was always the life of our gatherings. It is always wonderful to see the little grandchildren playing with their cousins, but it really brings it home in a hard way. We always used to have the family dinners here at our house, but we have not since his passing. Our second oldest, our daughter has been doing them at her house. It makes it a little easier, but not much. There are just too many "new normal"s in my life and I do not like it. Our daughter makes an amazing turkey dinner, it was really good. I baked 2 pumpkin and 1 apple pie, and she made butter tarts. I can't breathe!!

 

[Crabbergirl]

I am forever leaving tools out and then not finding them when I need them again but I have a idea where I left them but when hubby borrows them I can not find them because he puts them in with his tools and I never see them again.

Oh , so Tim does have a twin! LOL! Years ago my dad made me a tool box with a lock on it because I could never find so much as a screw driver. Well someone, who shall remain nameless, removed the lock and all the tools disappeared to this day , instead of looking for his tools he will go get mine. He "borrowed" my screw gun the other day because his was not charged ,and returned it without the extension bit. Grrrrr. I use it all the time

 

[Crabbergirl]

That's one way to acquire new tools. LOL We experience the same thing in our house except that I am the tool provider and when I provide a tool, if I don't make sure it returns, it does wind up in a toolbox unknown to me. I can ask about tools that have not been returned to where they belong and no one has any idea what happened to them. But I run across them on occasion after I have asked and no one knew a thing.

Sounds like you live in my house Randy