Coping With Life's Changes

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smiley_face2 said:
Another family dinner without our son. (thanksgiving in Canada) That is when it is the hardest, when we are all together without him. he was always the life of our gatherings. It is always wonderful to see the little grandchildren playing with their cousins, but it really brings it home in a hard way. We always used to have the family dinners here at our house, but we have not since his passing. Our second oldest, our daughter has been doing them at her house. It makes it a little easier, but not much. There are just too many "new normal"s in my life and I do not like it. :( Our daughter makes an amazing turkey dinner, it was really good. I baked 2 pumpkin and 1 apple pie, and she made butter tarts. I can't breathe!!
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Oh Janet, I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard that is. the loss of a child is so different from any other. Know that my heart and prayers are with you. May God bring you the peace you need and deserve.
 
As we age so many things change about the way our bodies react. Poor Tim had a root canal that needed to be redone. It was slightly infected on Wed. The doc put him on antibiotics. Tim is deathly allergic to penicillin so they use other drugs. This happened the last time as well. Sat he didn't feel so good. Yesterday he looked horrible and we actually watched his face swell. Ok off to the ER. (no answering service so called the doc at home, never got a call back)5 hours of waiting, they mis prescribed his antibiotic because they didn't read his chart. Thank God for the pharmacist as she caught the mistake! Wait another 2 hours to get that fixed.

He just woke up and his face is HUGE! Just too much for him.
 
Ooooo! Root canal work!
Had that done years ago and still lost the tooth a few years later!
I never swelled up so it depends on your health situation.
Poor Tim!!!

Janet
We all miss my father who passed away 12 years ago! Thanksgiving is different and we need to move on and except the 'new norm'. I do Thanksgiving and my second youngest sister does Christmas. It is not the same, but new traditions take hold after a few years.

I always retrace my steps to find any tools I put down ...I eventually find them!
 
ah yes coping..not an easy thing to do especially when you have several things to deal with at once

I don't know how I am gonna manage myself..I haven't worked since May of 2009 and I still go stir crazy... the fibro has taken a huge toll on my physical well being..then there's the matter of the broken ribs... the Bipolar Disordor has been really hard have had several manic episodes where I get really scared...then depressive funks.....
I am become more increasingly scared to drive I don't like to be out past 11am because there is more traffic and I become severely disoriented and have panic attacks while I am driving my comfort zone has reduced to about 6 miles well actually 6 1/2 that's how far the VA is from me and other than that...I don't go i remember that I used to love driving I even drove tracktor/trailer for a year but not anymore my usal jaunt is to the market which is only 3 blocks away....

I just wish I could get a break from it all.....:rolleyes:

but such is life......
 
Wolfie
Sounds like you need a holiday!
I know I would love to go somewhere other then here!
 
Crabbergirl said:
Oh Janet, I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard that is. the loss of a child is so different from any other. Know that my heart and prayers are with you. May God bring you the peace you need and deserve.
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Yes it sure is. I lost my dad first then my mom within 4 years of each other. My mom was living with us at the time, our kids were quite young at the time. then 4 years ago I lost my sister to cancer. I know about loss, but the loss of our son is so different. It is always with you no matter what, even when you are in a happy place or with other family, it is always there. when I do forget for a bit, then remember again, it makes my throat lock up so I can't swallow, and I feel nauseous, and the overwhelming feeling of disbelief, it just can't be true. Honestly my worst nightmare come true.
 
Janet,
My heart is just aching for you. I lost 5 in 3 moths of each other all very , very close. The worst was a suicide, and in 21 years I still can't get over that, but a child is something you never plan on loosing. Parents should not outlive their children it seems to be very cruel. I will keep you in my prayers that God can comfort you and give you peace. I wish I had the right things to say but I just don't know that there is anything. Just know I am here.


Blue,

While my changes are not related to my health , I do find myself getting antsy in heavy traffic. We have lived small town for so long that a traffic jam to me is 5 people at the light. Going to a big city makes me crazy, so I can relate to your driving issues. One of my friends has panic attacks when she drives. If she goes more than a few miles she calls me to take her. Even then she is about to come apart. So I know what you are suffering with in that respect.
have you studied about your fibro. I know there are foods that make it worse. I will see if I can find the thing I read on what you should not eat. They still have not ruled out fibro for Tim so I try to do what I can to eliminate triggers. It might help you too.


Tim's jaw is finally responding to the mega antibiotics. He still looks like elephant man :( But he says the pain is now just a 10:eek:
 
I am so terrible sorry for your loss Janet. My heart goes out to you.
About 2 months ago Bufords left tonsil swelled up and his PCP thought it was a gland so she gave him some medicine. When he went back a month later the swelling was still there. She said if it was a gland it would have gone down so she sends him to a ear,nose and throat specialist. He sends him for a scan. The specialist said the end of his tonsil had a hard spot. He does surgery monday to remove it. After surgery he comes to talk to me and tells me it is cancer and he will have to have radiation and chemo. He didn't talk to Buford though and I had to tell him later that day. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. When I told him it was as if all the life just went out of him. We go back monday and he will tell us more of what happens next. He has been sick since feb. This has really been a bad year for us. I have been so upset since monday and it is so hard on him and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I should be able to fix this somehow but I don't know what to do.
 
So sorry to hear about Buford!
The two of you will be in my thoughts!
Please keep us informed!
It is a good way for us to support you as the two of you go through this difficult time!
 
Maggie said:
I am so terrible sorry for your loss Janet. My heart goes out to you.
About 2 months ago Bufords left tonsil swelled up and his PCP thought it was a gland so she gave him some medicine. When he went back a month later the swelling was still there. She said if it was a gland it would have gone down so she sends him to a ear,nose and throat specialist. He sends him for a scan. The specialist said the end of his tonsil had a hard spot. He does surgery monday to remove it. After surgery he comes to talk to me and tells me it is cancer and he will have to have radiation and chemo. He didn't talk to Buford though and I had to tell him later that day. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. When I told him it was as if all the life just went out of him. We go back monday and he will tell us more of what happens next. He has been sick since feb. This has really been a bad year for us. I have been so upset since monday and it is so hard on him and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I should be able to fix this somehow but I don't know what to do.
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thankyou and I am so sorry. I was diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer in november 2010, just 2 months before our son died. My chemotherapy was delayed a bit because I was just unable to deal with it all. I went through the chemo, had to be hospitalised twice because of side effects, I was so sick I thought I would die. I lost 30 pounds and all my hair. Went through 6 weeks of radiation having to make a 6 hour trip into the city every day for it. I had to have surgery again july 2011 because it had grown back, they said the margin was too close from the first surgery, this new surgeon did a good job and got it all. I've been cancer free for over 1 year now, and have gained back most of the weight and have lot's of hair again. I still deal with some often painful side effects and extreme fatique but I am here to share the love of the rest of my family. The best thing you can do is be a shoulder to cry on, just be there. It feels sometimes like you can't get through it, but he can!! We had a daughter who did not deal with her brothers death at all well, and ended up in the hospital and a mental health place for 2 months!! but she is doing very well now, learned so much, and is such a support for us now. I remember one time I was just getting back to my town from the city from the radiation, I was so weak and sick and had to stop at the pharmacy for a prescription when my cell phone rang. it was the police telling my my daughter was in the hospital, they brought her there because they thought she might try to kill herself. I thought they were going to tell me she was gone. I just about passed out there in the store. I know the only way we got through the last 2 years was by sticking together and showing each other how much we loved one another and needed one another and by all the many many prayers said for us by our church, by the people here on this forum, by the people in my breast cancer forum. If you ever need to talk or ask anything, you can do it here or through a private message.
 
Thank you Ron and Janet for your support. This after noon for the first time he ask me a few questions about what the Dr. said. But other than that he doesn't want to talk about it.
 
Give him time Maggie.
He has to internally process it, and that big "C" is a big one to ponder on!
He will when he's ready!
 
Maggie said:
I am so terrible sorry for your loss Janet. My heart goes out to you.
About 2 months ago Bufords left tonsil swelled up and his PCP thought it was a gland so she gave him some medicine. When he went back a month later the swelling was still there. She said if it was a gland it would have gone down so she sends him to a ear,nose and throat specialist. He sends him for a scan. The specialist said the end of his tonsil had a hard spot. He does surgery monday to remove it. After surgery he comes to talk to me and tells me it is cancer and he will have to have radiation and chemo. He didn't talk to Buford though and I had to tell him later that day. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. When I told him it was as if all the life just went out of him. We go back monday and he will tell us more of what happens next. He has been sick since feb. This has really been a bad year for us. I have been so upset since monday and it is so hard on him and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I should be able to fix this somehow but I don't know what to do.
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Oh Maggie. My heart goes out to you both. That is never the news we want to hear. My prayers are with you both as I know as a care taker it is not easy, especially when it is your spouse. I felt the same way in wanting to 'fix' what was happening to Tim. It just seems like we should be able to. Please know that if you want to talk I will be happy to listen. I feel for you guys.
 
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}Janet,
You are awesome to have gone through what you did. God has given you the gift of the ability to comfort others. Thank you for sharing with us. Sometimes we need to hear what others have been through to gain our own strength. I am so sorry you had to endure that but you are a blessing and a lesson in endurance to those of us without a clue what can really be a test of faith and courage.
 
Thanks Ron and Crabbergirl. In 2000 he had cancer on the right side of his thoart but it didn't involve the tonsil. He only had the radiation then and he said it wasn't bad but he is really dreading the chemo. We will know more hopefully monday. His Dr. is the same one that did his surgery in 2000 so he knows his history.
 
thanks Crabber, it's about all I have to give now, is some wisdom from what I have learned.
Maggie, the first 3 months of chemo were the hard ones, then when they switched, it was quite tolerable. The biggest thing is to make sure and tell them exactly what is bugging you, they have something to help with every symptom! even when I was so sick, once I was back in the hospital hooked up to iv and getting meds to help it was so much better! I tend to be a bit to stoic!
 
Ditto Jill!

They started Tim on a Z pack yesterday, something they should have done a week ago. Here's praying this kicks it's butt!
He is doing good at dealing with this ongoing infection and the symptoms of it. He should be feeling better in the next day or so. at least I hope.
We visited a dear friend who is 85, I know that his time is near. I think when your friends start passing from old age you begin to feel very mortal. we have a lot of advanced age friends and it seems every couple months someone is either in the hospital or passing away.
That in itself is something to cope with.
 
Thanks for the advice Janet I'll try to remember that.
Crabber I sure hope the z pack helps Tim to feel better. I'm praying that he gets well soon.
 
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